It's a bird! It's a grain!

No it's The Flaked Avenger!!!!










With his trusty spoon of justice and his bowl of righteousness the Flaked Avenger seeks out evil and brings hope to the world of cereals.















The Flaked Avenger was sent to Earth from the long-extinct planet Cornulon thousands of years ago by his father Maizeman and mother Flakella. Here on Earth he grew to love the people of the planet and vowed to use his secret powers to protect them from evil doers.

















Using his cornflake powers, the Flaked Avenger's orb of corn even brings down the most powerful of all his enemies - Dr Oat Granola.






















The Flaked Avenger's uses the power of the flake to avenge evil doers and to bring the righteousness of the cornflake to the planet.




















"Wherever there is injustice, you will find me.
"Wherever cornflakes are attacked, I will go.
"Wherever gone-off milk resides, I will be.
"I AM THE FLAAAAAKED AVENGER"

Ah the Flakied Avenger is as imperfect as the rest of us - look as he adjusts his Helmet of Goodness to make it look nice.

















Keep on breakfasting everybody!!!

CK

Cooking up some cornflakes

Ah, it's been a wonderful summer so far in the cornflake hemisphere. We are all enjoying the beautiful weather with cornflake cocktails and cornflake barbecues.



Tim is still enjoying his work with the cereal box design company and said to me last night that he was quite literally "having the time of my life" there. Amazing. Please join with me in wishing him the very best and at least now he is bringing in the mula to Cornflake Towers so I can screw him for all the tax I can.



I like to make Tim his tea for when he gets back from work. Last night I made cornflake goujons, a flakey side salad, and a chilli flake dip.



Absolutely fantastic. As you can see, I really enjoy cooking. And Ian likes to watch me when I do it.

I haven't seen Crunchy Durden for a while. Although he does keep putting post it notes around Cornflake Towers....



Don't know what he's on about. Maybe we'll find out soon enough though.

I send out my regal love to you all!!!
Keep on breakfasting everybody!!

Cornflake King

Give me my cornflakes!!

It's half past seven and I want a bowl of CORNFLAKES!!!!



AARRGGHHHH!!!! Give them to me now!!!

Hi everyone, how are you all?? I'm sorry for not posting since last week - I've been on a grand tasting tour of the north east of England, one of the world's formost cornflake areas. A cornflake gastronome's paradise no less. They even make their ale out of flakes. Mmm mmm...

Ian wanted me to show you what he gets up to in the morning, before Tim goes off to work.
So first he has to get up at 5.30am to be able to give me MY CORNFLAKES at 7.30am (see above).



Then he does his bit in the bathroom. I was able to get a shot of him shaving.



After that, Tim has to go to work - he's got a new job doing some marketing for a cereal box design company and seems to be enjoying it to be honest. I think it sounds a bit boring and as it's not for Kellogg's it can't be that good. But I wouldn't tell Tim that. He'd be destroyed.



"Bye Tim, have a nice day", that's what we shout when he leaves. Then Ian GIVES ME MY CORNFLAKES!!!



I hope everyone has a fantastic day!! It's great to be back!!!

KEEP ON BREAKFASTING EVERYBODY!!!

The Cornflake King.

The first rule of flake club is that you do not talk about flake club

The second rule of flake club, is that you DO NOT TALK ABOUT FLAKE CLUB.



There's a new kid on the block here at the Towers. His name is Crunchy Durden and he's a scary looking Crunchy Nut Cornflakes box.



Crunchy Durden's from Los Angeles, he's a bit 'street' and he sounds like Brad Pitt - he looks like him a bit as well. He says he is a soap dealer, he makes them himself from melted down bits of Cheerios and Honey Nut Loops that he kidnaps from the supermarket shelves.



And he says he sells the soap off to cornflakes which are sold in Harrod's, because they are gullible enough to buy into the "hand-made soap" rubbish he spouts.



I'm worried about the influence Crunchy Durden is having on Tim and Ian, particularly Ian who will follow anyone who leads him astray. And my CCTV cameras picked up some disturbing footage of Ian, Tim and this Crunchy Durden character this afternoon.
Looks like Crunchy Durden tooled up Ian and Tim with some knives.



They went looking for a box of cereal to cut to pieces - they spotted a lonely old Scott's Porridge Oats box all alone. Anarchy is their only goal in life. Crunchy Durden is quite a scary box of cereals.

All I can hear all the time is them shouting, "The first rule of flake club is that you do not talk about flake club." Then when Tim and Ian aren't with Crunchy Durden, they just talk about making soap out of Sugar Puffs and messing each other up. Then they go on about Project Cornflake. I don't know what that is, but they've I've heard them mention attacking the Houses of Parliament with water bombs filled with milk and cornflakes.

Crunchy Durden was muttering stuff about bombing a Weetabix factory in Bridlington the other day.

This box of porridge oats was mutilated by Crunchy Durden and Ian (I think Tim must have got scared and run away).



If you listen carefully you can hear Tim weeping in the distance.

I'd ike to apologise for not having blogged yesterday. Things were very busy here at Cornflake Towers, what with arranging the wedding with Corndoleeza and all. As well has hunting down cereal terror suspects.

Keep on breakfasting everybody!!

Cornflake King

Ssshhhhh everybody

It's oh so quiet, sh sh.



Ultra busy day here at Cornflake Towers. Will be back tomorrow folks. Don't you worry!!!!

Keep on breakfasting everyone!!!

A very weary Cornflake King.

At one with our inner selves

The stress of running a kingdom is driving me mad.



But at least I've found my queen. Corndoleza Rice. I've written to her telling her she's now my queen.



Isn't she a hotty? Here she is showing how big the biggest flake of corn she ever ate was. Mmm. Corn....doleza Rice....Crispies

But I've still been in need of some de-stressing - and frankly so have Tim and Ian what with their relationship problems of late and what not. So we've been doing some Tai Chi.



Tim and Ian are well chilled out after an hour of going through the moves - heaven to earth. Round circles. Flakey rain. Corn on the legs. It's all good. And I think they like it because they're you know what (wink wink).

Corndoleza Rice's arrival will mean that we will have to be all out in our War On Cereal Terror. We've been at the forefront of the campaign to root out evil cereals, such as Grape Nuts and Shredded Wheat, but there are others still doing their evil work.



These cereals are evil and pose a greater threat to the righteous world of the cornflake than anything else we have faced in the history of flakey democracy. That is why I, the Cornflake King am leading the drive to rid this world of the terror that is bad cereal.

Our war on terror cereal begins with shredded wheat, but it does not end there. My fellow cornflake eaters, the entire world of cereals has seen for itself the state of our cornflake union - and it is strong. And now we are a cornflake people awakened to cereal danger and called to defend our breakasting freedom!!!!!

Today I had Mexican cornflake chilli with cornflake tortilla. Lush.

KEEP ON BREAKFASTING EVERYBODY!!

CK

An anthem is born

The response to my public plea for an anthem has been quite astonishing. Me and the guys at Cornflake Towers have been taken back by the sheer weight of reponses. And we have even been putting in some practice, going through the different anthems that were submitted.

Here are a few of the chaps (Tim and Ian leading the vocals) singing the version by Magpie Head - one of my favourites.



"Hail cornflake king!
(here he is)
"Everybody sing!
(one more time)
"we love the flakes 'n' 'ting
(pump up the world)
"Hail the corflake king!"



Hail him indeed.

It was a fantastic opportunity for me to hear just how good Tim and Ian are at singing - if you've not heard a box of cornflakes sing before then I'm telling you, you are missing out.

It has been a difficult choice. Mr Leanbundies' effort was beautiful. Magpie Head's was something the younger generation of cornflake lovers could relate to. But for pure inspiration, I found Kenny G's piece the one for me. So here it is. Forever more The Cornflake King's National Anthem:

IN CORNFLAKES WE TRUST

In the mornings we rise
and always we find,
a breakfast for kings
of cornflakular kind,

when served up with milk
which is as cold as ice,
these golden delights
are exceedingly nice

Oh flakes of corn!
Oh flakes of corn!
How I love thee so,

Oh flakes of corn!
Oh flakes of corn!
I will always thee so.

To Him we are in debt
and to Him this song we sing,
our great and noble leader
the immortal Cornflake King.

In flakes of corn we trust
at the breakfast time each day,
And thank the Cornflake King
for making us all happy and gay.

***********

This had the approval of Dubya on a summit between myself and the leader of the world's other superpower just a few hours ago.



I thank you all for your suggestions. And so does George. I think the new anthem is really captivating and will be a big hit.

But I am still a king with no queen. So today, it would be great if you could come up with suggestions for a worthy bride for the Cornflake King.
My royal love goes out to you all.

KEEP ON BREAKFATING EVERYONE!!!!

The Cornflake King

Down in my cornflakes

Things have been getting depressing around here at Cornflake Towers. Being the Cornflake King can be a lonely job you see. I have my formal flakey duties to perform - which I don't get any thanks for I hasten to add - and, well, there is no Cornflake Queen to come home to at night.



At the moment, I just have Tim and Ian to talk to about cornflakes and such like. And our friendship is momentary because when I've devoured all their contents, they'll be put in the recycling bin for Kellogg's to make new boxes of cornflakes out of.



Creating this blog (which my advisors and Secret Cornflake Service know nothing about) has been a real release. And in a weird way, I feel as though you, my loyal subjects, are all my Cornflake Queens. But I have to admit I was saddened the other day when I received only 12 comments to my post unveiling my true identity.



It has all got a me feeling real sad. In fact, I'll admit I've had a bit of a cry.
But fear not. I'm going interactive. And at the end of the week, there is going to be a mega vote, the biggest vote ever seen in the world of cornflakes. Which you will all HAVE to take part in. Or I'll get all royal on you and that.

Today I want you all to help me out. I'm in need of a national anthem, but it hasn't been written yet. So I want you to come up with suggestions. I want YOU the cornflake public to write OUR national anthem. So come on, get thinking and post an anthem. Everyone has to do this, because I said so. I'll announce the winner Monday evening (Cornflake Mean Time).

Just to let you know, I've eaten loads of cornflakes lately, in various forms. But especially with milk, kindly donated by Rio THE BIGGEST COW IN THE WORLD!! Who's been reading this blog every day apparently.



KEEP ON BREAKFASTING EVERYBODY!!!

Cornflake King

King of the castle!!!

Ahoy there me hearties!!
I announced yesterday that today would be a very special blog entry. And it is. Because today I am publishing some official photographs on this blog.
The royal photgrapher has been taking the latest photographs of me for His Flakey Majesty's Official Cornflake Records.

And here I am!! LONG LIVE THE KING!!!



As you can see I am wearing my official regal robe, with my cornflake coat of arms shielding my flakey body. These pictures are available at £5.99 from the Royal Mint. Or something like that. You can probably get cut-out-and-keep posters in The Sun as well.

Last night me and Ian went out for a couple of pints. I was a bit worse for wear, as you can see.



In fact things got out of hand when Colin the milk bottle started having a go at me and Ian because we hadn't invited him out either. He even attacked me and knocked me out.



We were all a bit sorry about things this morning, and once I finished off Colin and had poured him over my flakes things were OK between us. He's in the recycling bin now.

Anyway, just to say to you all thank you so much for popping by and checking out today's blog. Thanks to everyone for their comments, Mr Leanbundies - your poetry is wonderful. I speak for everyone at Cornflake Towers when I say:

HAVE A FABULOUS WEEKEND AND KEEP ON BREAKFASTING!!!!

The Cornflake King

Never leave a cornflake box unattended

World Cup fever is still gripping all here at Cornflake Towers.
But last night, the Duke of Weetabix invited me to the pictures to see X-Men 3. Which wasn't very good.
Ian and Tim asked if they could invite some of their friends over when I was out, to watch the exciting Germany-Poland match.



I instantly regretted agreeing to their wish because this is what I had to deal with when I got home.



A box of Ready Brek was lying unconscious on the floor after drinking too much, a fruit & fibre was sick over the carpet, while Ian had got through three bottles of red wine and eight cans of Carling.

And this is the result.



I had to rush Ian to the toilet for him to be sick.
I'm getting worried about Ian's mental health at the minute, I don't think he's coping at all well with the death of Andy and he is drinking far too much - he can't control himself. This morning, the guys were still in bed when I left the Towers to carry out my regal duties. I threw the Cheerios and the Weetabix out of the castle because they were giving me lip. But I let the others stay.

This morning I topped my bowl of cornflakes with blueberries. Mm mmm. And I've made myself some cornflake power bars to keep my energy up through the day.

Tomorrow I can promise everyone a fantastic blog entry to set your weekend up perfectly!!

Keep on breakfasting everybody!!

Cornflake King.

Football crazy

World Cup fever has hit Cornflake Towers!!
There has been a fantastic atmosphere in the castle and me and my cornflake friends are really enjoying it. Well, with the exception of Ian.
Both Tim and Ian are still coming to terms with the death of Andy, so last night me and Tim decided to watch the Brazilians turn on their samba football.
Ian was out partying with a box of Weetabix, a bowl of Alpen and a Tracker bar caled Eric.



As you can see, Tim is a massive Wales fan, he loves to back the underdog. But he also enjoys watching great teams play great football.
And when Kaka scored for Brazil he decided to streak around the living room here at Cornflake Towers!!



We had a great time.
Ian didn't come home until 6.30am. We still don't know where he went.

By the way, I forgot to mention what happened at the meeting Cornflake Council of Great Britain and Northern Ireland the other day. Well, one resolution was passed condemning the Chinese for their high tariffs on imports of cornflakes from Europe and North America. A deligation will be visiting the World Cornflake Commission to voice our concerns.



Had a simple bowl of cornflakes with ice cold milk this morning. Tea tonight is an Italian special - cornflake lasagne.

Keep on breakfasting!!

Goodbye Andy

Just to warn you, some traumatic pictures follow which you may not wish to see.
There was tragedy at Cornflake Towers last night, I am sad to report.
It seems things got too much for Andy, the Oat Granola box. Depressed at being so unwanted by me, the Cornflake King, he decided he wanted to take his own life by jumping off the kitchen cupboards.



Tim and Ian, faithful friends to Andy despite what he thought, were on hand to try and talk sense to him. Tim even borrowed a loud speaker from the local police in an effort to stop Andy from taking his own life.



As you can see from these dramatic images, Tim and Ian got quite emotional about the events - as you can imagine, what with them being gay and all.



And they couldn't stop Andy from jumping.



It really was a tragedy that Andy thought he needed to do this. After all, I had eaten more than half his contents so I never really understood what he was on about.
Anyway, it was no real loss to me because I don't really like Oat Granola and won't be buying them again. I've learnt my lesson and will stick to cornflakes forever more.

This morning, on the advice of a very good friend and colleague, I had warm milk on my flakes. And a delight it was indeed. I would like to dedicate that breakfast to the memory of Andy.

Remember keep on breakfasting folks!!

Cornflake King

Tim and Ian are GAY

This is the horrifying scene which met me when I walked into my bedroom yesterday.

I had been out shopping for some semi-skimmed milk to pour over my flakes and when I went up to my bedroom I found TIM and IAN in bed together. They claimed it was nothing more than two very good friends having a nice sleep because it had got too hot for them that afternoon.

In the end they had to admit that they are having a relationship and that they are... in love!

It seems the two boxes of cornflakes had been getting rather close over recent weeks, sitting alone in their cupboard together.
I respect them for their choices in life and wish them all the very best - just as long as they stay out of my bed when they want to "express" themselves.

Anyhow, I had a lovely bowl of cornflakes for breakfast although the milk was a little tepid.
Tea tonight is a caesar salad with cornflake croutons. Mmm mmm.

Keep on breakfasting!!

CK

Chilling out with some cider

It's been another glorious day here in Cornflake Towers. And what better way to spend the day than out in the garden, flaked out with a couple of cool ciders?



Me and a couple of the guys decided the best thing we could do in this weather was chill out with a bottle and let the sun do it's own thing. So here is Tim and Ian, two of my Kellogg's Cornflake boxes having a snooze after one cider too many.



It got too hot for Tim, as you can see. He asked if he could borrow my favourite hat, so I willingly obliged.

I got the barbecue out and decided to roast some lovely cornflakes, we had a side dish of cornflake cous couse, infused with delicious garden mint, and a cooling bowl of cornflake ice cream for afters. Delish!!

Of course, my breakfast included a bowl of the finest Kellogg's Cornflakes. Will be meeting some of the top bods from the Cornflake Council of Great Britain and Northern Ireland over the weekend, so will post any interesting developments in the world of tasty cereal exclusively on this blog.

Cornflakes truly are the most gracious of all breakfast delights.

Keep on breakfasting!!

Cornflake King.

Golden flakes, golden sun

What a lovely day.

And the cornflakes are back!!



Hoorah! I bought a gigantic box which should get me through a nuclear armageddon. Heaven forbid!



Last night, some of the crew from the local Cornflake Society came over and we played Scrabble, along the theme of cereal-based breakfasts. I won. I know more about cereal than they do, which is why I'm secretary of the Cornflake Society. We all had cornflake sandwiches as well, and I also gave them a couple of glasses of the cornflake schnapps I've made for the summer.




Keep on breakfasting!

Cornflake crumbs

When I arrived for breakfast this morning there were two major catastrophes to start my day.
First, there were no bowls left to eat out of - SOMEONE had put the dishwasher on before we'd all eaten breakfast ("Oh, I didn't think").



Second, my cornflakes were mere dust at the bottom of a plastic bag.
I have to say the major bone of contention was the early turning on of the dishwasher, which made me both angry and sad. I was sad that someone hadn't thought about the rights of others in the house in which I live, and angry because I was without my favourite bowls for breakfast.



In the end I settled for eating OAT GRANOLA out of a mixing bowl. A very sorry state of affairs indeed. I also find Oat Granola too fibrous. So look out.
This is a message to people out there, don't put the dishwasher on until everyone's eaten their breakfast.

A cornflake a day helps you to work rest and play

I was really pleased to see this blog has reached national consiousness already.
In the short time it has been up and running it has appeared in the pages of the Guardian, The Shorditch Times and the Runcorn Advertiser. Radio Smile in Ipswich has also mentioned it on its early morning breakfast show, while John Prescott has been seen browsing these pages as he takes over the running of the United Kingdom in the absence of Tony Blair.

Anyhow, on to more pressing matters. It was great to see James Davies posting his thanks for my advice on chicken feed. This morning I ate like a chicken and had a sumptuous bowl of cornflakes topped with three halved strawberries. I know how to eat like royalty. Perhaps the Queen will now be seen doing similar.

Cornflakes really are wonderful things.