LOCK THIS AREA DOWN!!! NOW!!!!!
People have been asking me about my security situation and how I stay alive, what with all people wanting to kill me so they can steal my cornflakes and what not.
Well I have a crack security team surrounding me and they basically follow me wherever I go. Basically, in reality I have no friends, but my team of minders makes it look like I do - albeit they carry round walkie-talkies and don't actually speak to me very much because they're too busy looking out for assassins.
Those chaps are scary. Especially when you are royalty like myself.
Here's one of the guys. I've had to block out his eyes so you can't recognise him. I can't say what his name is but for argument's sake, I'll call him, erm, Mike.
You can see Mike is in touch with Brown Team, who always ensure there is a secure perimeter surrounding the public building I may be at any particular moment.
Mike is part of the Green Team, my closest security guys who will lay down their lives for me if a bullet comes my way.
So you can see I'm pretty safe from any potential assassination attempts, with around 30 agents following my movements at any one time.
At the central control hub is this man. BIG EDDIE.
He co-ordinates all my security teams and ensures the right arm knows what the left arm is doing. God Bless BIG EDDIE.
For breakfast this morning I had a very fine bowl of the finest cornflakes. They were mighty.... fine!!
Keep on breakfasting everybody!!!
Cornflake King
posted by Cornflake King @ 9:30 AM
12 comments
12 Comments:
That's nothing.
I got a crack army too. No guns, just loads of crack and a pipe each. We spend most of the day ripped to the tits.
I respect your choices in life Mr C Leanbundies. I would rather you stuck to poetry however.
Keep on breakfasting!!!
CK
I forgot to mention to you CK, the most British of all berries (the blackberry) are nearly ripened. I know from pleasurable experience that a couple of handfulls of cornflakes with flour, sugar and butter makes a delicious crumble topping.
Woudl you like to come round to my house soon to help with the harvest of the very British Berry? I am expecting a bumper crop this year it will really dwarf anything I have experienced before. You may also like to feature a photograph of me collecting the harvest and subsequent images of cornflake/berry combinations on your web log.
I await your reply with mouthwatering anticipation.
I can feel a poem coming on.
Mr Leanbundies,
How could I possibly turn down such a request?? Name the time and the day and I'll be there. There is nothing quite like the combination of cornflakes with that most British of berries.
Thanks for the kind offer.
And keep on breakfasting!!
CK
A poem. this one is called Halcyon days.
Nimble fingers watch for thorns,
The taste of berries with golden corns,
Whether hot or whether cold,
The taste is that of pure gold.
High or low, or in the middle,
Picking the berries is a marvellous giggle,
But not just any berry, Gerry,
For 'tis the Blackberry, a very British berry.
Ode to the King
With heart of golden flakes of corn,
Upon his march they blow their horns,
The king, the king, has come at last,
The Cornflake King with crown so vast.
The Cornflake King, so wise and dear,
His presence will alay all fear.
A bowl of cornflakes starts each day,
The flakey king is on his way.
I have just come on the soft.
Mr J: Eh?
Keep on etc etc.
CK
You know,
I have just 'produced' without support.
Elvis has left the building without standing up
the old boy has coughed up without standing up.
I have ejaculated without an erection.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I'm sorry. I don't like that sort of language on my blog. I won't wish you any breakfast pleasantries.
CK
sorry. It happens from time to time. Most embarrasing. I m presenting a tv show later and will have a huge stain on my trousers.
I shall say I spilt milk at breakfast.
Best regards from NY! »
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