The first rule of flake club is that you do not talk about flake club
The second rule of flake club, is that you DO NOT TALK ABOUT FLAKE CLUB.
There's a new kid on the block here at the Towers. His name is Crunchy Durden and he's a scary looking Crunchy Nut Cornflakes box.
Crunchy Durden's from Los Angeles, he's a bit 'street' and he sounds like Brad Pitt - he looks like him a bit as well. He says he is a soap dealer, he makes them himself from melted down bits of Cheerios and Honey Nut Loops that he kidnaps from the supermarket shelves.
And he says he sells the soap off to cornflakes which are sold in Harrod's, because they are gullible enough to buy into the "hand-made soap" rubbish he spouts.
I'm worried about the influence Crunchy Durden is having on Tim and Ian, particularly Ian who will follow anyone who leads him astray. And my CCTV cameras picked up some disturbing footage of Ian, Tim and this Crunchy Durden character this afternoon.
Looks like Crunchy Durden tooled up Ian and Tim with some knives.
They went looking for a box of cereal to cut to pieces - they spotted a lonely old Scott's Porridge Oats box all alone. Anarchy is their only goal in life. Crunchy Durden is quite a scary box of cereals.
All I can hear all the time is them shouting, "The first rule of flake club is that you do not talk about flake club." Then when Tim and Ian aren't with Crunchy Durden, they just talk about making soap out of Sugar Puffs and messing each other up. Then they go on about Project Cornflake. I don't know what that is, but they've I've heard them mention attacking the Houses of Parliament with water bombs filled with milk and cornflakes.
Crunchy Durden was muttering stuff about bombing a Weetabix factory in Bridlington the other day.
This box of porridge oats was mutilated by Crunchy Durden and Ian (I think Tim must have got scared and run away).
If you listen carefully you can hear Tim weeping in the distance.
I'd ike to apologise for not having blogged yesterday. Things were very busy here at Cornflake Towers, what with arranging the wedding with Corndoleeza and all. As well has hunting down cereal terror suspects.
Keep on breakfasting everybody!!