Thursday, June 22, 2006

The first rule of flake club is that you do not talk about flake club

The second rule of flake club, is that you DO NOT TALK ABOUT FLAKE CLUB.



There's a new kid on the block here at the Towers. His name is Crunchy Durden and he's a scary looking Crunchy Nut Cornflakes box.



Crunchy Durden's from Los Angeles, he's a bit 'street' and he sounds like Brad Pitt - he looks like him a bit as well. He says he is a soap dealer, he makes them himself from melted down bits of Cheerios and Honey Nut Loops that he kidnaps from the supermarket shelves.



And he says he sells the soap off to cornflakes which are sold in Harrod's, because they are gullible enough to buy into the "hand-made soap" rubbish he spouts.



I'm worried about the influence Crunchy Durden is having on Tim and Ian, particularly Ian who will follow anyone who leads him astray. And my CCTV cameras picked up some disturbing footage of Ian, Tim and this Crunchy Durden character this afternoon.
Looks like Crunchy Durden tooled up Ian and Tim with some knives.



They went looking for a box of cereal to cut to pieces - they spotted a lonely old Scott's Porridge Oats box all alone. Anarchy is their only goal in life. Crunchy Durden is quite a scary box of cereals.

All I can hear all the time is them shouting, "The first rule of flake club is that you do not talk about flake club." Then when Tim and Ian aren't with Crunchy Durden, they just talk about making soap out of Sugar Puffs and messing each other up. Then they go on about Project Cornflake. I don't know what that is, but they've I've heard them mention attacking the Houses of Parliament with water bombs filled with milk and cornflakes.

Crunchy Durden was muttering stuff about bombing a Weetabix factory in Bridlington the other day.

This box of porridge oats was mutilated by Crunchy Durden and Ian (I think Tim must have got scared and run away).



If you listen carefully you can hear Tim weeping in the distance.

I'd ike to apologise for not having blogged yesterday. Things were very busy here at Cornflake Towers, what with arranging the wedding with Corndoleeza and all. As well has hunting down cereal terror suspects.

Keep on breakfasting everybody!!

Cornflake King

13 Comments:

At 6:53 PM, Anonymous Crunchy Durden said...

I said, the first rule of Flake Club was not to talk about Flake Club.

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Flake Club was the beginning, now it's moved out of the basement, it's called Project Cornflake.

His name was Scots Porridge Oats.
His name was Scots Porridge Oats.
His name was Scots Porridge Oats.
His name was Scots Porridge Oats.
His name was Scots Porridge Oats.
His name was Scots Porridge Oats.
His name was Scots Porridge Oats.

Its not until you lose every flake that you are free to do any flake.

Crunchy Durden

 
At 6:57 PM, Blogger Cornflake King said...

You scare me.

CK

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger brightdayler said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger brightdayler said...

Just don't let him scare you by saying, 'You don't know where I've been!' You know exactly where he's been--born, too: in a dirty old factory on some city's outskirts. It's no wonder he's so agressive. Those creepy echoey warehouses will make iron out of any flake.

 
At 7:55 PM, Blogger Cornflake King said...

Thanks for your words of wisdom Brightdayler. I need that sort of encouragement. Your presence on this blog is always welcome (infinitely more than Crunchy Durden I hasten to add).

Hope you are enjoying your breakfasts!!

CK

 
At 12:48 PM, Anonymous Leonid said...

Ja, I get it. This is a movie reference to Flashdance, right?!?

 
At 1:50 PM, Blogger Cornflake King said...

Yes Leonid. That's right....


Hi everyone!! I have something to post tomorrow. My apologies for not brightening up your day today.\

Keep on breakfasting!!

CK

 
At 7:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The third rule of flake club is you post every day.

Disgruntled, Essex.

 
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I wish I could blog as good as you, but what I can do is give you a nice Guitar Lesson!

 
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