Thursday, December 14, 2006


For the past four months I have been a political prisoner.

Tim and Ian have locked Crunchy Durden and myself behind bars. We had done nothing wrong, but Tim and Ian's paranoia had set in. They believed Crunchy Durden's growing influence on me was corrupting my reign as Cornflake King. Cornflake Towers has been in turmoil, but at last yesterday, a ruling by the Supreme Court of Cornflake Rights pronounced us both innocent. And I returned to my throne as the rightful king.

Boy oh boy did we party!!! Woo hoo!

I started off with a can or six of Cornsberg in my royal parlour. I helped it along with a nice celebratory bowl of popcorn.

Then me and Crunchy Durden popped down the Flaked Lion, our local pub, for a spot of champers with the lads in the VIP room. We had a blast.

Unfortunately, things got out of hand, Crunchy Durden and me were sparko by the end of the night and if you look carefully you can see we've both been sick as we passed out.

Boy it's great to be free and it's great to be back.

Tim and Ian have vanished. I don't know where they are. And Crunchy Durden is still going on about "Project Cornflake" whatever that is.

By the way, I've decided to bestow the honour of Member of the Cornflake Empire upon Monty Panesar for his wonderful bowling performance against Australia in the first innings at Perth. Well done Monty!!!

It's good to say this,

Monday, July 31, 2006

Cruising for flakes

My cornflake realm has been beautiful of late, wonderful weather - an absolute delight. So I've been out and about in my royal mobile, cruising for hot chicks and any boxes of cereals that take my fancy.

In fact I took Crunchy Durden out with me yesterday.

I've been increasingly worried about his influence over Tim and Ian (who are still doing fantastically well by the way) and this Project Cornflake he keeps going on about. I still don't know what it is, but there seem to be lots of meetings behind closed doors between various cereal boxes here at Cornflake Towers.

Anyway, me and Crunchy Durden had a fab time.

Bloody marvellous. To be fair to Crunchy Durden, once you get past his weird obsession with soap and making cereals fight each other all the time.

He's an edgy character but I trusted him to take over the Flake Mobile. He went off on his own, but what do you know, Crunchy Durden deliberately broke the rules. Shock horror (that was sarcasm).

When the cops saw this, they had to pull him over. Even though I have royal jurisdiction, I allowed them to charge him with drink driving. This box of cereals MUST be taught a lesson, for Tim and Ian's sake if nothing else.

I hope everyone has a fantastic day and that a bowl of cornflakes brings you all the luck you truly deserve.

May the flakes be with you and keep on breakfasting!!

Cornflake King

Wednesday, July 26, 2006


People have been asking me about my security situation and how I stay alive, what with all people wanting to kill me so they can steal my cornflakes and what not.

Well I have a crack security team surrounding me and they basically follow me wherever I go. Basically, in reality I have no friends, but my team of minders makes it look like I do - albeit they carry round walkie-talkies and don't actually speak to me very much because they're too busy looking out for assassins.

Those chaps are scary. Especially when you are royalty like myself.

Here's one of the guys. I've had to block out his eyes so you can't recognise him. I can't say what his name is but for argument's sake, I'll call him, erm, Mike.

You can see Mike is in touch with Brown Team, who always ensure there is a secure perimeter surrounding the public building I may be at any particular moment.

Mike is part of the Green Team, my closest security guys who will lay down their lives for me if a bullet comes my way.
So you can see I'm pretty safe from any potential assassination attempts, with around 30 agents following my movements at any one time.

At the central control hub is this man. BIG EDDIE.

He co-ordinates all my security teams and ensures the right arm knows what the left arm is doing. God Bless BIG EDDIE.

For breakfast this morning I had a very fine bowl of the finest cornflakes. They were mighty.... fine!!

Keep on breakfasting everybody!!!

Cornflake King

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Flakes of Wrath

Well, July has been really getting me down so far. I feel like crying every time I open a packet of cornflakes. "Why's that Cornflake King?!" I hear you cry. Well it's because of this damned blog and the technical problems I've been having. Look at the state I was in last night....

This is how much this blog means to me and how much it has hit me that I have been unable to do hardly any work on it. And to think cornflake fans around the world are that little bit worse off because of it.

Anyway, it's my birthday on Saturday, I'll be 27 years (if you count them in cornflake terms).

And am planning to celebrate with Tim and Ian, and Crunchy Durden if he wants to join us. We'll be mostly drinking white Russians with a sprinkling of cornflakes on top.

That's probably the greatest drink ever invented. White Russian cornflakes! White Russian cornflakes! White Russian cornflakes! White Russian cornflakes! White Russian cornflakes! White Russian cornflakes!

I spotted The Flaked Avenger again this week.

I wonder what adventures he will be getting up to over the next few days.... hmmmm.

Keep on breakfasting everybody!! It feels great to be back!!

The Cornflake King

Sunday, July 16, 2006


Hi everyone, I'm so sorry I've been away for a while, there have been technical problems with my blog but I've managed to get all the gremlins, or should I say Oat Granolas, out of the system and we're back up and running!!!

And look, the world's favourite super hero is back as well...

It's the Flaked Avenger!!!

See how the Flaked Avenger arms himself with the powerful Spoon of Cornulon. It provides him with sight beyond sight. His dead mentor, Flakeora, guides him spiritually with the Spoon of Cornulon and it warns hime when his nemesis, Dr Oat Granola is on the scene. Dr Granola is currently hatching a secret plan to use fragments of the planet Cornulon which landed as meteorites on planet Earth, as weapons to drain the Flaked Avenger of his powers.

"Wherever there is injustice, you will find me.
"Wherever cornflakes are attacked, I will go.
"Wherever gone-off milk resides, I will be.

Keep on breakfasting everybody!!! I love you all - and this time I hope to be back for good!!!!!


WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

It's "amaizing"

Good morning to all my fans.
My apologies for not posting of late. I am presently on holidays on a maize farm in central France.

And there it is, my home for the last five days or so - it's been pure cornular bliss, all I've done is eat cornflakes and smother myself in corn. Quite beautiful.

I hope you've been sticking to the breakfast plans I've given you all - A BOWL OF CORNFLAKES!!!!

Keep on breakfasting everybody. I'll be back real soon!!

Cornflake King xxx

Thursday, June 29, 2006

It's a bird! It's a grain!

No it's The Flaked Avenger!!!!

With his trusty spoon of justice and his bowl of righteousness the Flaked Avenger seeks out evil and brings hope to the world of cereals.

The Flaked Avenger was sent to Earth from the long-extinct planet Cornulon thousands of years ago by his father Maizeman and mother Flakella. Here on Earth he grew to love the people of the planet and vowed to use his secret powers to protect them from evil doers.

Using his cornflake powers, the Flaked Avenger's orb of corn even brings down the most powerful of all his enemies - Dr Oat Granola.

The Flaked Avenger's uses the power of the flake to avenge evil doers and to bring the righteousness of the cornflake to the planet.

"Wherever there is injustice, you will find me.
"Wherever cornflakes are attacked, I will go.
"Wherever gone-off milk resides, I will be.

Ah the Flakied Avenger is as imperfect as the rest of us - look as he adjusts his Helmet of Goodness to make it look nice.

Keep on breakfasting everybody!!!